A walk in spiritual shoes

A Walk on the Wild Side

Trying to understand the "nature" of Spirit is a journey that has kept me entertained, and fascinated, for years! Chasing it has proven fruitless. Trying to study it in books ends up with words that elude me, and sends me down more rabbit holes, with more questions than answers.
I have found that obtaining most anything in life is pretty simple in the regard that when I stop trying to "gain" something, or stop "trying" so hard, all of a sudden it appears, whatever that may be. My Spirit has proven to be no different ... without saying so, as it doesn't communicate with words. On some level, it must know that once words are spoken, the message has already been misunderstood.

There took place a conversation between Dan Rather, CBS Anchor and Mother Teresa years ago that I resonate with. The interview went a little something like this:

Dan Rather: What do you say during your prayers?
Mother Teresa:  I listen.
Dan Rather: Well then, what does God say?
Mother Teresa: He listens. And if you don't understand that, I can't explain it to you.

I've learned that I can't desire something that I already have - but I can fully recognize it and allow myself to experience it. This was the start of a new Spiritual journey. Instead of chasing Spirit through books, workshops, lectures, etc, I decided to start living it, walking in it, taking notice of it in everything I do, everyone I see. That DIVINITY became apparent and I couldn't deny it, nor do I have any words for it. The best I can say about Spirit, is that it's meant to be experienced. One can not know Spirit, unless one experiences Spirit, and from what I've gathered, this experience is different for everyone. It's why there are millions of books, papers, churches, scriptures, classes, lectures ... the list goes on.

Spirit is a singular essence (prana, ruach, chi, shakti, energy, vibration, orgone, ka) experiencing itself billions of different ways. There are currently 7.8 billion people on this planet, vibrating at different frequencies - sometimes several different frequencies through the course of a day. Add in all life forms, flora and fauna, minerals, the air, the tides, fire - all the basic elements that we scientifically know of, and we have ourselves a Spirit that just can't be defined in words, and yet we walk among it, breath it, eat it, live it ... EVERY DAY AND IN EVERY MOMENT.

We like to think we know who we are - we do not.

It wasn't until I allowed myself to stop and observe my surroundings, with childlike eyes, pretending that everything I saw had no label or definition, where I got my first glance at the Spirit that seems to reside within myself. Some call it the "watcher" the "observer", as this is all it does. Spirit doesn't think ... it doesn't have to. Spirit doesn't hold the duality as the other parts of our being does, that is for the Soul ... and I'll write about that in another blog entry. Spirit can serve as an endless portal of energy, creation, understanding and knowledge ... if we allow ourselves to get to know it, acknowledge it and understand that this is the indestructible, the undefinable, the "what" doesn't belong to us.

We like to think we know who we are - we do not.

Moving closer to a Spiritual life for myself, has me becoming quieter and quieter. This pandemic year has definitely allowed me the time to fall silent. I've gotten the rare gift and challenge of wrestling with my mind, tearing down walls that don't belong here. The realization that I am NOT who I think I am was a mind blower! WHOOSH! I've always carried the feeling, the notion, that I have/had something wrong - the definition of myself never quite sat right with me. It wasn't until this year that it became clear that my thoughts and definitions were a good "try", a good attempt at knowing myself, but then also realized how far off the course I actually was. Really glad I humble well.

Walking in Spirit for me now means that I have choices. Choices in how I define life. Choices in how I react to situations and people. Choices in how I see my fellow brothers and sisters. My compassion has grown greatly. My sense and definition of purpose has been redefined. What I feel I am "owed" is close to being gone. What I feel I deserve, doesn't matter (mah-ter), as nothing belongs to me anyway. There is a new sense of freedom knowing that nothing in this 3D experience can hurt me, torture me, take something away from me, put me back ... in essence, there are no struggles, only experiences. The only struggles I have now are the ones that I make up in my mind, ego driven...and now I know it. My struggles can seem real, my earthly conditioning can seem real - but now I approach each one knowing that all it contains is "matter" ... and I get to choose what matters.

I choose divinity. This feels more real to me than life ever has.